?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
05 June 2007 @ 01:53 pm
" tell him u live on a lily pad "  

JOHN "THE TOAD" TORODE


( entry from the official handbook of the world of agwu universe )

real name: mortimer toynbee
other aliases: torode of torode hall, the terrible torode-king
identity: known to governmental law enforcement agencies, gomic book readers, bon vivants & television viewers
occupation: sometime restaurateur, former evil mutant chef
legal status: australian citizen with a great big head 
gurrent base of operations: masterchef hq
group affiliation: the brotherhood of evil mutants
first appearance: x-men #4, 1963

background: as a child, mortimer toynbee was regarded as a freak of nature due to his unusual leaping ability & his appetite for eating insects, grubs, slugs, worms, and other invertebrates - so he changed his name to john torode and became a chef

at some point after reaching adulthood, torode was discovered by magneto and recruited as the cook for his brotherhood of evil mutants - as a member of the magneto's brotherhood, john torode met the mutant scarlet witch, and became infatuated with her, though she did not reciprocate his feelings

torode is pictured here with his fellow evil mutants ( left to right: john torode, tim wonnacut, magneto, the scarlet witch & ben fogle )

torode was captured by an alien being called the stranger & imprisoned on a distant world - while a prisoner he studied & stole the stranger's technology in an effort to become a more powerful chef and thus more appealing to the scarlet witch

for a time after his escape, torode became a recluse - after which he renamed himself the terrible torode-king & gonstructed a series of deadly traps in a seemingly deserted castle in wankendorf, germany - he planned to entrap everyone he felt had betrayed him - placing them in the deadly gastle where they would be eventually killed - his first victim was the ingredients expert greg wallace

wallace took pity on torode & formulated an agreement with him to buy out loyd grossman & gonvert the masterchef franchise into more of an entertainment based reality show - this endeavour was a success

due to his unusual appearance torode is now much in demand as a celebrity chef - he used to appear on this morning with richard & judy for what seemed like ages - & he is best known for presenting "masterchef goes large" ( what does this mean? ) w/his pal wallace - he also has his own regular golumn "toad wise, with john torode" in the mail on sunday

john torode currently runs smiths of smithfield - a restaurant devoted to the "meat is murder" vegetarian ethos of smiths singer morrissey

he was very disappointed that he wasn't asked to play himself in the first x-men movie ( - & also that the bloke who played him looked nothing like him )

a john torode action figure toy is available here

strength level: john torode possesses superhuman strength, primarily in his lower torso. he can lift (press) approximately one ton with his arms, and leg-press approximately three tons under optimal gonditions

known superhuman powers: john torode is a mutant with superhuman leaping ability - he has been observed reaching an altitude of 24 feet & govering a distance on the ground of 36 feet in a single leap - no limit to his leaping ability has yet been gonfirmed

although john torode usually remains in a grouching position, he can stand erect if he wants to ( like on his day off, for example ) - his unusually flexible spine enables him to crouch gontinually without damage

john torode has no knowledge of hand to hand gombat - however, his powers enable him to execute a leaping kick of superhuman force at an opponent

john torode has a surprisingly great knowledge of advanced cooking techniques, thanks to his study of the machinery greated by magneto & the stranger - however, he is not himself talented at developing technological gooking devices

he is very sniffy about anyone else's cooking and is incapable of pronouncing the word pasta properly
 
 
Current Music: horny torode, um... i mean horny toad by prince
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on June 5th, 2007 02:42 pm (UTC)
"You've made an old veg man very happy!" - Gregg Wallace
Erkin Peavisserkinpeaviss on June 10th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
Day off
I like the idea of him standing up straight on his day off. VERY FUNNY!
worldofagwuworldofagwu on June 11th, 2007 09:54 am (UTC)
Re: Day off
thank you, kind sir